just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
