words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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