apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize