woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
