Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize