Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
