No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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