State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
