stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
