You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
