i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
