I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
