i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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