Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
