yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
