how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
