you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
