Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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