So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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