Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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