so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize