I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
