Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
