in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
