omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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