He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
