Where is the hickey?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
