My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
