dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
