only you would photoshop your dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize