She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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