we have officially lost it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize