More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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