saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
