you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
