i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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