I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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