Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
