Betty ford says i'm here all night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize