Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
