Fuck appropriateness.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
