wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
