also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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