Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
