I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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