i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
