Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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