shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
