I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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