Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
