I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
