Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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