i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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