Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
