I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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