Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize