i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
