hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
