Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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