I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
