the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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