I puked a lego.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
