I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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