no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize