Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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