There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
