It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
