you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
