I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
