A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
