What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
