I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
