I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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