he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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