the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
