Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
