we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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