Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
