i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
