Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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