We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
